the worlds on my shoulders [sebastian/sly]

[nevada rae enders]

TAGGED sebastian|sly outfit click

she honestly didn't know what was worst at this point in time, the fact she got dumped; the fact that she got fired; or the fact that she got pregnant. she sat in her bathroom, looking at the four tests she took in that half an hour. all stating positive, she didn't know what to feel. happy? sad? pissed off? she reread the texts over and over, that morning after. she fucked it up, she finally was happy with some thing in her life and just fucked it up. she wiped the tears as they built up in her eyes, sebastian was right. she was suddenly questioning if it were sebastian's or nathan's. that, however, was three weeks ago. now? she knew what she had to do. she hadn't done cocaine or anything besides the occasional xanax to calm her nerves in two and a half weeks. she had a little slip up with her pills, but another awesome breakdown nipped that in the butt. she felt herself shaking a lot more now, withdrawal of course. she hated doing it cold turkey, but knew without her xanax or her cigarettes she would be dead. anyway, she knew what she had to do and that was tell sebastian for real this time. she couldn't call him, because he blocked her number. which meant she had to face him, and she was terrified.

the girl got dressed, looking at her stomach in the mirror. the doctor said she was around two months pregnant, which automatically excluded nathan from the baby daddy chart since her and nate fucked three months ago, dates didn't add up. at least she got that off of her shoulders, now just the actual news itself... she felt as if she were going to throw up. but that could have just been morning sickness, or withdrawal. she was afraid, of everything. she couldn't go through this thing alone anymore. after getting in her car and driving to sebastian's, she tried to think of what it was she was going to say but nothing was there. before she knew it she was pulling out front of his place and she gulped hard. the girl walked up to the door, knocking lightly and stepping back. she knew sebastian didn't want to see her, and she understood that but.. she couldn't keep him away from this sort of thing much longer.

[sebastian azazel prater]

Long nimble fingers rolled a silver band against each finger. The silver band was beautiful. It was the brightest of silvers. It split on each side of the diamond heart in the center, wrapping around the rock in an intricate design. On the inside was an engraving. It simply said, 'FOREVER'. Sebastian brushed the engraving with his ring finger. He had spent a pretty penny on this ring. He had been planning on asking Nevada to marry him. He had loverd her. Sure some people may have thought it was too soon, but what did they know? He had loved her and he didn't want to waste any time when he could be truly with her. What a mistake that would have been if he had married her. Sebastian sighed and laid back on his bed, holding the ring in one tall hand. His heart still ached for her. He had loved her a lot. Then he found out she had fucked NATHAN when they were talking. What the hell was that shit? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He had been so very wrong about her. He had been so STUPID. Now he just . .. he was just going to push her away. . .

Sebastian sat up. He felt like he needed to put this on paper. . . Lyrics ran through his mind, and he scrambled to his desk, and got out his journal and started writing.

You play these games, baby honestly?
It's such a shame, you think you control me.
Control my life, and everything around,
I've got my feet on solid ground.

I'm gonna push you away,
with every word that you say.
I'm gonna push you away, away…

I've let you win too many times.
If I gave you my life, it'd be my demise.
I'll keep my pride.

Sebastian smiled, feeling loads better. He kept writing, a whole page of lyrics when he heard a knock at the door. He picked his head up, and slowly got up from his chair. The ring didn't leave his hand.

He opened the door to see Nevada standing there, looking as lost as him. but sebastian doesn't believe in third chances- he doesn't think he can live through this happening again. Nevada had her on poker face through every lie. And every hand Sebastian was dealt was a slap in the face. Sebastian's face fell, then became stoic. "Nevada . . . what . . . what do you want?" He tried to sound mean, but that facade quickly fell through. He wasn't a mean person.

[nevada rae enders]

TAGGED sebastian|sly outfit click

as the door opened, she suddenly regretted her trip to sebastian's house. seeing him, made it worse. her heart hurt, almost. when he spoke, she knew that he was just trying to sound pissed off. she knew sebastian way too well in the time they've been friends, even more when they were together. she bit the inside of her lip and just let it all come out. "it's been three weeks. no drugs, minus my anxiety meds that i take the correct dosage. i went to the doctor, i'm pregnant. but i'm two months, which means it isn't nathan's. it's yours. and i want to keep it. i'm ready to grow up, and whether you want to be apart of this or not i'm doing it. i just wanted to stop by and apologize, for everything." fuck here come the tears, she didn't want to cry but in the mist of her rant she just couldn't stop them. "you're too perfect for a girl like me. i'm used goods, i was stupid and i took you for granite which i regret every day. you're the best thing that has every happened to me sebastian, and although you don't want me in your life anymore i want to thank you. for bringing this-" she looked down at her stomach as she said this, but then looked back up at sebastian as she wiped her eyes trying not to smudge her make up. "into my life. because now i'm changing for the better and i had to tell you that in person. i'll just go, but before i do just know that i love you. and i never stopped, and i know i never will. and i can't even apologize enough to show you how sorry i really am. uh- good bye." she turned to leave, wiping her eyes as she did so.

[sebastian azazel prater]

Sebastian reached out and grabbed Nevada's arm before she could leave, and before he could talk himself out of it. He pulled her against him and held her, one arm around her waist, one hand on the back of her head, cradling her like she was a baby. Maybe it wasn't her he wanted to hold. Maybe it was the little baby inside of her. Either way, there he was, holding her. He half sung, half cried his next words, "I don't mind if you're overrated." He had wrote a song about his love for her not too long ago. He called it, "My Understandings." That song meant a lot to him. Did that mean she meant a lot to him? He sighed to himself and licked his lips. What was he supposed to do? She was pregnant with HIS kid! His baby boy or girl. He couldn't just kick her out on the curb. He pulled her inside, and kicked the door closed, then leaned in and kissed her like he's never kissed anyone before. He didn't know what was compelling him, but he just . .. . he wanted to kiss her. He pulled away and stepped back, his face crumpling. He shouldn't have done that. That was wrong of him to do. He was still mad at her. He wanted to push her away and hold her close at the same time and he wanted to know how that could be. How could he want those two things at the same time? He sighed and rubbed his temples, his heart beating hard and hurtful in his chest. He had a head ache and he had killer chest pains. He heard a weird weezing noise and then realized that it was him- he was hyperventilating. He tried to calm himself down, but it just wasn't happening. He grabbed at his chest and sank down onto the nearby couch and looked at Nevada, tears starting to stream down his face. It felt like forever went by before he calmed down.

[nevada rae enders]

TAGGED sebastian|sly outfit click

as sebastian pulled her back to him, holding her, she wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned her forehead against his chest. when she heard him speak up, she didn't respond since she figured it was from a song of some sort. whether if it were his or not, she'd let him have his moment. she followed him, not that she had a choice really, into the house and was shocked when sebastian had kissed her. the kiss, was beautiful. confusing as fuck, but beautiful. just as she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and never stop kissing him, he pulled away. she could tell how he felt by her face, and she didn't blame him. as much as they loved each other, she fucked up way too much and sebastian had every right to be mad at her. as he began hyperventilating, her eyes were locked on him. she didn't even blink, as he sat and looked at her she didn't know what to do at this point. he was crying, which honestly wasn't a shock to her but still, she sat next to the boy and faced him directly. she had no words, but she still wanted to comfort him. nevada ran her hand against his forehead, pushing his hair from his face. she gently used her thumbs to wipe away his tears before pulling him for a hug, one of those real intense; passionate; comforting hugs. once it seemed like he had calmed down, she pulled away from him and brought her lips to sebastian's cheek before sitting back. "what's on your mind?" she asked, obviously about this situation and the news he had gotten.

notes this is only 288, and i'm sorrrrry <3

[sebastian azazel prater]

Bastian turned away, closing his eyes. His head was spinning, and the tears he had been holding in were falling. Everything in his life was shit. Every single thing. He didn't want the kid. He would forever feel horrible because Nevada would be the poor baby's mother. He remembered every word she said when she left him. Sure he ended it but if she hadn't said what she had said then things might have been different. She had went crazy and it reminded him too much of how his Uncle was when he was on drugs. The pain from those memories was just too much to bear. "I hate you and want to help you right now. I'm trying to figure out how that can be." He stated with a miserable tone of voice. Bastian finally looked at her, his eyes wet from crying, his face sorrowful. His faced changed from anger to misery and back again, as thoughts filled and jumbled his mind into so many emdless knots he put himself into another anxiety attack. He stood up and began pacing back and forth, in full blown anxiety attack mode. His thiuhhts raced around in circles. Circles. Huh. She had him running in circles. He was through with it. He was through with running in circles for her. He swayed. He hadn't been sober for days. He walked into the kitchen and started making food. That was something he did when he was overloaded with thoughts. He set plates for two people, and loaded the plates with sunny side up eggs, bacon, and dry toast. He sat down, watching her, waiting for her to sit down and eat with him.

[nevada rae enders]

TAGGED sebastian|sly outfit click

nevada shook her head, letting another sigh leave her body. "hate can only replace love. in order to hate, there had to be love first." she looked at him, and she believed her statement one hundred percent. although, she didn't know how that truly felt because she stilled loved sebastian with everything she had to give. as much as she wanted to comfort him as he cried, she knew how his emotions could change quicker than flicking a light switch and didn't want a huge outburst. when he went into another anxiety attack, nevada put a hand on the back of her neck as she leaned forward and caught her forehead into her other palm. something wasn't right with sebastian, were the thoughts that clouded her mind at that moment. she knew him to be an emotional guy, but this was just too intense for her. and then it clicked, and she shook her head letting a soft scoff slip out. she knew what a binge addict looked like, she'd been around it several times and some times she even defined herself as a binge addict. well until she got pregnant. she listened to the sounds of cooking coming from the other room minutes after sebastian left the room, the smell of the breakfast food filled her nose and she inhaled deeply. a smile rose on her lips, as much as she felt uncomfortable sitting with sebastian at this time she was officially eating for two and wasn't about to give up a free meal. when she saw him setting up the table, she stood up and walked over slowly until she reached the table. after sitting across from him, nevada began eating slowly with her eyes almost glued to her plate. she then looked up at sebastian, and sighed yet another sigh. "what are you taking?" the question wasn't supposed to be asked, but it needed to be. sure the circumstances were different with her being pregnant, but in a sense they were similar. he couldn't even deny the fact that he was using, because if anyone in his life were to know a thing or two about using or addicts... it'd be nevada.